He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
