you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
