Christians are straight up FREAKS
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
