At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
