one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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