Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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