that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
