just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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