After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
