It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
