My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
