So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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