Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
