i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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