You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
