I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
