Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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