i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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