I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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