3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
