Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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