Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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