omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I need water and some morals
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
