im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
