Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just invented taco cereal.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
