So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
