i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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