No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
