I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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