I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
