Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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