She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
