I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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