I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
