Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
