need another drink. this is the easiest way
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
