Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
