I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
