There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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