he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
