I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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