I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
