The maid of honor just puked.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
