Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
