Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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