threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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