I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
