Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
