Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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