i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
