yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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