It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
