The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
