I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
