the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
