I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Randomize
